1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,837 ? It seems today that all you see ? 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,174 ? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ? 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,844 ? But where are those good old-fashioned values ? 4 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,847 ? On which we used to rely? ? 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,184 ? Lucky there's a family guy ? 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,604 ? Lucky there's a man who positively can do ? 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,064 ? All the things that make us ? 8 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,024 ? Laugh and cry ? 9 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:30,155 ? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ? 10 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,909 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,495 Where's Dad? 12 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,789 It's office birthdays today at the brewery. 13 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,791 Ever since your father was put in charge, 14 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,918 he's been taking it very seriously. 15 00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,920 Okay, Brian, what do you got for me? 16 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,797 Okay, birthday jokes. 17 00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,425 "We may be colleagues, but there's no one in your league." 18 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,177 Boy, that's a brick off the backboard. 19 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,345 Chris, what do you got? 20 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:57,098 "I drove the family to Disneyland for vacation, 21 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,809 "and when we got off the highway, the sign said, 22 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,480 'Disneyland, Left, ' so we drove back home." 23 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:06,148 Chris, that's going in the show. 24 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,149 See that, Brian? 25 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,776 Don't be afraid to pull the heartstrings. 26 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,070 Peter, don't you think you might be putting too much time 27 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,739 into office birthdays and not enough into your job? 28 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,576 Come on, Lois. It's the one thing I look forward to at work. 29 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,160 It's the one thing I'm good at. 30 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,496 I am to birthdays what J. K. Rowling is 31 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,957 to now-problematic wizard stories. 32 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,959 Perhaps Slytherin 33 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,670 or maybe Hufflepuff 34 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,798 or trans women aren't really women. 35 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:34,468 - Wait, what? - I mean, uh, the first two things. 36 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,597 Okay, who's the next girl or boy? 37 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,266 There's only those two. 38 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,438 Who's ready for June birthdays? 39 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:53,529 ? June is bustin' out all over ? 40 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,699 ? Every birthday boy and girl who's on the clock ? 41 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,826 ? First there's Annie from accounting ? 42 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,578 ? Just turned 40, but who's counting? ? 43 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,582 ? And that old guy Frank down on the dock ? 44 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,877 Ladies and gentlemen, Leslie Uggams. 45 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:11,547 ? June is bustin' out all over ? 46 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,717 ? Ah, tole, da, da-doe-da, tinkin' can ? 47 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,552 ? All the hanna-manna wishes ? 48 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,304 ? And the hanna-wenna fishes ? 49 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,557 ? Out of all the morning glories on the spam ? 50 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:24,185 ? Because it's June ? 51 00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,770 ? Da-da-da ? 52 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:29,398 ? Just because it's June, June ? 53 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,360 ? June! ? 54 00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,781 Wait, isn't it November? 55 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:39,576 Who cares? They are marvelous. 56 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:47,124 So I drove my family down to Disneyland for vacation. 57 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,001 When we got off the highway, the sign said, 58 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,921 "Disneyland, Left," so we drove back home. 59 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,134 Thanks. I wrote that. 60 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,845 Oh, I'll show him. 61 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,933 I own the school paper. 62 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,227 Get me dirt on Principal Shepherd's car. 63 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,521 I also own the school car wash. 64 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,232 Myeah. Myeah. 65 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,612 Children, please continue independent play 66 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:19,990 while I go see if I just sneezed my tampon out. 67 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,952 Let's see. Any good reads here? 68 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,079 Hmm, what's this? 69 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,748 Hmm. 70 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,084 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 71 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,045 My word, this is brilliant. 72 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,966 Now to find my mark. 73 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,801 Hey, Stewie. What you reading? 74 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,178 Something with different cloths to feel? 75 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,806 No, not since, uh... not since COVID. 76 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:47,518 I say, Doug, it appears you've got something on your shirt. 77 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,936 Is that so? 78 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:11,167 Ha-ha! There's nothing on your shirt! 79 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,669 It was all a ruse. 80 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,259 Doug, are you okay? 81 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,802 Oh, my God, what happened? 82 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,096 - Who did this to you? - Stewie. 83 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:27,475 - Stewart Griffin-Suarez, is that true? - No! 84 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:28,476 And thank you for that. 85 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:29,727 Rupert and I decided to hyphenate. 86 00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:32,313 I hope it doesn't make me look like too much of a pushover. 87 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,273 Now, where was I? Oh, yes. 88 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,733 Screw it. 89 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,026 Yes, I hit him. 90 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,736 And it was glorious. 91 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:41,113 This is your third strike, Stewie. 92 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,740 That means no more time-outs. 93 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,116 You get a detention. 94 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,367 Detention? 95 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,036 You can't scare me. 96 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,538 The only thing that scares me is a sudden loud noise, 97 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,165 even if it's only spoken. 98 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,750 We now return to Val Kilmer 99 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,084 and Robert Downey Jr. 100 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,252 - In Kiss Kiss... - Ooh! 101 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,755 ...Bang Bang! 102 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,176 So, how did the birthday thing go? 103 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,469 Amazing, Lois. 104 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,387 I've even been asked to do a TED Talk. 105 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,516 What is a birthday? 106 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,810 I think it can best be understood by breaking down 107 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,146 the word "birth" and "day." 108 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,315 Where the hell is everyone? 109 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:17,818 Ah, okay. Now it makes sense. 110 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,157 Bye-bye, Stewie. 111 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,450 Yeah, buh-bye, whatever. 112 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,827 Stewie, where are you headed? 113 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,411 You've got detention this morning. 114 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,746 That's where I'm headed. 115 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:33,582 Stewie, no, detention isn't in preschool. 116 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,543 It's in the elementary school building. 117 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,712 The elementary school? 118 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,548 But that's where the big kids are. 119 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,969 Oh, I'm sorry. Did I ruins y'all's reveal? 120 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,304 Let me go ahead and scooch back a little. 121 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,807 Beep, beep, beep. 122 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:55,188 Oh, no! Look at that big scary school! 123 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,160 My God, these kids have their teeth. 124 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,872 And where are their pacifiers? How do they ever sleep? 125 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,582 Detention kids are scary. 126 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,335 Especially that fourth grader writing on the board. 127 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,882 Ah, that is such a load of 128 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,759 Truth, a wonderful load of truth. 129 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:32,808 All right, birthdays. 130 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,435 Whoop, whoop! 131 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,061 What the hell is this? 132 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,813 It's happy birthday 133 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,189 To you. 134 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,524 I didn't approve this. 135 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:41,859 Oh, yeah? Well, who the hell are 136 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,110 You-you? 137 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,486 I'm Preston Lloyd, 138 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,947 the new manager of the brewery and your boss. 139 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,574 Is that true-true? 140 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:52,912 Yes. And I've been charged with improving brewery productivity. 141 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,831 And it has become clear to me that the best way to start is 142 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:58,834 by canceling office birthdays, effective immediately. 143 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,544 I don't know how to stop on roller skates, 144 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,964 so hang on until I run out of momentum. 145 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,135 What?! 146 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:15,225 But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't cancel office birthdays. 147 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,102 I'm pretty sure I can. 148 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,397 Mr. Griffin, I like focused, productive employees. 149 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:23,317 But this is a brewery. Beer is supposed to be fun. 150 00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:25,527 I've been sober for 46 years. 151 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,404 - How old are you? - 46. 152 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,448 A brewery is not about getting drunk. 153 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,658 It's a business. 154 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,285 I need disciplined, productive employees. 155 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,745 Can you be that, Mr. Griffin? 156 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:36,080 Oh, heavens, no. 157 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,998 Then we're going to have a problem. 158 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,542 But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't take away office birthdays. 159 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,585 People love 'em. 160 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,506 If it means that much to the employees, fine. 161 00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:46,590 Yay! 162 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,175 - I'll do them. - Aw. 163 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:50,302 Attention, employees. 164 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,012 This is Mr. Lloyd, your manager. 165 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,138 I will now resume 166 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,182 the office birthday celebration from earlier. 167 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,979 Helen Daily, date of birth 12/10/1968. 168 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:04,441 Martin Burke, date of birth 12/13/1969. 169 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,611 J.H. Christ, 12/25... 170 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:10,864 zero, zero, zero, zero. 171 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,575 You now have two minutes to consume cake. 172 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,631 Hey, do you know where I can get a pacifier in this place? 173 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:28,674 I'm jonesing. 174 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,718 Anyone hears you say that in here, 175 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:32,177 you'll get your ass kicked. 176 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,389 You're the "something on your shirt" kid, right? 177 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,473 How did you know? 178 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,393 Well, I make it my business to know. 179 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,478 You got purdy lips. 180 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,230 Why, thank you. It's a new serum. 181 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,816 Move over, lip balms. The secret is retinol. 182 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,152 Let's talk later. 183 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,656 I can't believe the new jerk manager 184 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,033 canceled office birthdays. 185 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,201 It was the one thing in life I looked forward to. 186 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,413 Is this manager a no-nonsense, button-down man 187 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,373 who's also been in the military? 188 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,167 - How'd you know? - Mm-hmm. 189 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,252 - Well, what do I do? - Take it from a lawman, 190 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,588 whenever authorities have tried to take away something 191 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,048 the people find precious, 192 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,633 the people have found ways around the law. 193 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,511 They always find a way, like nature. 194 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,055 Look at that. 195 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,266 Tree bent to keep growing toward the sun. 196 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:23,188 Anyway, I'm Joe, and I don't do a lot of these. 197 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,067 Boy, wouldn't you like to know 198 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,360 what those little guys are saying? 199 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,706 What's the password? 200 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,292 "Fat man." 201 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:56,053 I'd like to wish all you birthday boys and girls 202 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,055 a special day with the help of... 203 00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,181 The Beatles. 204 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,226 One, two, three, hit it. 205 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,150 The boss is coming. 206 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:19,243 And this is our final stop on the tour. 207 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,244 What's this room? 208 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,995 Oh, this is an unused meeting room 209 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,872 that no one pays attention to. 210 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,457 Ah. Well, then, 211 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,169 I suppose there's no need to pay any attention. 212 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:35,425 Okay, there was an elderly Jewish family hiding in there, 213 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,553 and I don't know what to tell them. 214 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,308 Well, Stewie, you've completed your detention. 215 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,977 What have you learned from this experience? 216 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,479 That your mother's a whore. 217 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,944 Hey, Stewie. How was your detention? 218 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,280 Brian Griffin, is that really you? 219 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,906 Been a long time, it has. 220 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,158 I saw you this morning. 221 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,578 The world's gone and got itself in a big damn hurry. 222 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,122 You lose track of time on the inside, Brian. 223 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,206 You wouldn't know. 224 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:07,666 You ain't seen the things I've seen. 225 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,335 Preschool detention? No, I guess I haven't. 226 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,337 - What'd you do in there? - Got jacked. 227 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,216 - You look exactly the same. - And yet I got jacked. 228 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:21,054 Okay, time to make this office my own 229 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:24,057 and decorate it with my prized achievements. 230 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,560 Ah, let's start with my Big Mouth Billy Bass 231 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:27,811 with the battery removed 232 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,107 so I don't have to be interrupted by that nonsense. 233 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,318 Ah, my framed ticket stub 234 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:37,404 from opening night of Independence Day. 235 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,199 My Purple Heart. 236 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,829 Today, for a special birthdays treat, 237 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,249 I've acquired Marty McFly's amp. 238 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,846 Who's ready to rock birthdays? 239 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,477 There. 240 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:11,521 A lifetime of fragilely framed achievements. 241 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,943 What the hell? 242 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,324 Mr. Lloyd! 243 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,825 What is going on in here? 244 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,163 Ow! Ow! Aah! 245 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,581 Sorry. 246 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,916 Aah! That didn't work! 247 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,251 Ow, my bones! 248 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,586 I had a very good rotation guy work on this. 249 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,255 Ow, though! 250 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,465 Ow! Please stop! 251 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,175 Sorry. Sorry. I-I don't know what to say. 252 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,469 I'll call the guy. I-I don't know, I don't know what to say. 253 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,054 Griffin, is this some kind of 254 00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:46,306 secret birthday celebration room? 255 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:49,476 I made a decision to cancel office birthdays, 256 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,478 and it was very explicit. 257 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,813 There was nudity? 258 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,066 Mr. Griffin, you leave me no other choice. 259 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,317 You're fired. 260 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,318 Fired? 261 00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,487 Can I still get paid and just not come? 262 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:01,655 No. 263 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,615 Well, I guess it's time to say goodbye 264 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,576 to the security guards whose names I never learned. 265 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:08,704 Take care, Cap'n. 266 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,372 Stay golden, Chief. 267 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,040 Be well, Buckaroo. 268 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,042 Bye, Francesca Louise Allessandro. 269 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,212 Say hi to Max and Samuel and your sister Eloise for me. 270 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,589 And good luck with your night courses. 271 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,550 Hey, do you have, like, a nickname on Instagram? 272 00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,011 I'm having trouble finding you. 273 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,350 I can't believe you were fired from the brewery. 274 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,394 I mean, how are we gonna pay our bills? 275 00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,478 That depends. 276 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,355 When you use Venmo, do they just, like, 277 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,940 believe you that you have the money? 278 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,442 No. 279 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,277 - Right? - No. 280 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,154 Fine. Maybe they'll take me back 281 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,823 as the Radio City Rockette with too-big shoes. 282 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,457 Shoes! 283 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,046 Shoes! 284 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,006 Should we just get him smaller shoes? 285 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,967 Wouldn't matter. He butters his feet. 286 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,388 Stewie, breakfast! 287 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,235 When did this new slab of beef get delivered? 288 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,279 My name's Chris. 289 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,239 You don't have a name until I give you one. 290 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,409 You're a little young and plump to be in a place like this. 291 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,577 You need a friend. 292 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,080 Someone who can provide you with protection. 293 00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,539 I could be your friend. 294 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,167 All we'll need is a BIC pen and a lighter. 295 00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:40,295 Why? So you can burn a swastika into my butt? 296 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:43,091 Well, you just ruined the surprise, you goofball. 297 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,681 Oh. Stewie. 298 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,643 What brings you by? 299 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,395 You're gonna give me what I want. 300 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,855 Um, wh-what are you talking about? 301 00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,315 You know. 302 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,818 We're doing this, and you're gonna find a way to enjoy it. 303 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,161 I-I don't like it. 304 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,664 I don't understand what's happening. 305 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,208 The three sisters have a magic hopscotch board 306 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,626 that turns them into superheroes, 307 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,837 but only at night and never if it's raining. 308 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,506 It's too complicated and noisy. 309 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,425 Yeah, it is both of those things. 310 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,552 And their cat speaks French. 311 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,682 Yeah. Yeah. 312 00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:37,352 Oh, there you are, Rupert. 313 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,688 Funny how I never got a visit in detention. 314 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,773 Not even a letter. 315 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,942 What do you mean you couldn't find a stamp? 316 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,235 Well, no need to mail it now. 317 00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:46,486 Show me the letter. 318 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,155 Show me the damn letter! 319 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,990 I met a new friend in detention. 320 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,992 His name is Thomas the Shank Engine. 321 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:54,202 I think it's time you two met. 322 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,912 You want to meet him? 323 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,205 What's going on in here? 324 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,374 You don't know what detention was like, Brian. 325 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,793 I feel like I aged four years in there. 326 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,422 On the first day, an older boy put two fingers on my nose 327 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,175 and just took it right off my face and held it in front of me 328 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,218 and said, "I got it. I got your nose." 329 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:11,720 That ever happen to you, Brian? 330 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,306 You ever seen your own nose wiggling between two fingers 331 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,183 right in front of your face? 332 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,767 And he never gave it back. 333 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:20,562 Stewie, what's going on in here? 334 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,272 Okay, you are coming with me. 335 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,733 They've got my nose, Brian. 336 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,943 They've got my nose. 337 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,280 They've got my... 338 00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,406 Ah. 339 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,908 This changes everything. 340 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,201 Ooh, bubbles! 341 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:37,954 Aw, looks like somebody was overdue for his bath time. 342 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,415 That's why you've been so cranky. 343 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:44,085 All right, after this, we'll get you into your footsie jammies 344 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,379 and tucked into bed. 345 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:50,008 Ah, finally, I can put that whole detention experience 346 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,886 behind me and just live. 347 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,597 Whoa. 348 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,474 Yep, so that's how your grandad 349 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,726 got his back tattoo and hepatitis. 350 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,436 Never share a needle with Ben Affleck. 351 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,563 How did you and Other Granddaddy meet? 352 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,273 That's a story for when you're older. 353 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,526 The kids at school were asking if you're a bottom or a top. 354 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,069 They should not be asking that. 355 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,279 They said if that was your answer, then you were a bottom. 356 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,989 Who are these (BLEEP) kids you're talking to? 357 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,868 I would like to have a word with their attractive fathers. 358 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,541 And that's how you say "productivity" 359 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,376 in 11 different languages, 360 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,837 which, in hindsight, was not a productive use of time. 361 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,089 Oh, sorry to interrupt. 362 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,258 I just came to clear the search history off my computer 363 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,635 before the I. T. guy... Uhp, he's already got it. 364 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:36,513 Boy, you're really all in on Asa Akira. 365 00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,099 Way off, pal. This is the only place I can masturbate. 366 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,143 Griffin, just go. 367 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,071 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 368 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,573 Mr. Pabian. 369 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,367 Get down from there at once. 370 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,538 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 371 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,206 Ms. Towers, get down. 372 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,750 Do you hear me? I order you to get down. 373 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,003 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 374 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,338 Get down! Every one of you. 375 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,757 That is a direct order. Do you hear me? 376 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,343 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 377 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,512 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 378 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:20,098 Oh... 379 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,685 Thank you all. Thank you. 380 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,607 As someone who doesn't remember movies, 381 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:32,277 I've never seen such an original display of faith in a colleague. 382 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,946 - Peter, you're rehired. - Really? 383 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,824 Griffin, I guess I've learned 384 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:41,077 that employees are willing to endure a crappy job, 385 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:44,581 low pay, meaningless work, no upward mobility, 386 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:47,876 laughable benefits packages, countless OSHA violations, 387 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,837 exposure to hazardous waste and emotional abuse 388 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:54,591 as long as there are balloons and pieces of cake once a month. 389 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,384 I guess I can allow that. 390 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:02,932 And I've learned that every office needs a worst employee 391 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,477 that all the other employees can look down on. 392 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,896 I can be that. I can be that guy. 393 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,439 Now, if you'll excuse me. 394 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,776 Hey-hey, Francesca Louise Allessandro! 395 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,778 Good news. I found your Instagram. 396 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,905 Did you see the 90 photos I liked in a row 397 00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,239 last night at 2:00 a. m.? 398 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,703 Also, who's @BeckyFitness96, and can you tell her to unblock me? 399 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:30,377 Well, Peter, I'm glad you got your job back. 400 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,253 Me, too, Lois, but I am gonna miss 401 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,630 getting to perform every week. 402 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:37,175 You don't need to be in charge of birthdays to perform. 403 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,802 You know, you're right, Chris. 404 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,888 ? June is bustin' out all over ? 405 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,724 ? It's birthdays and na-na-na-na-na ? 406 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,017 ? And a zabba... ? 407 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:54,526 Oh, my! Tony Award-winning performer Leslie Uggams? 408 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,403 What are you doing here? 409 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,321 I heard you were singing my song, 410 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,448 but I think you got the words wrong. 411 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,909 It isn't "hana-wanna-dada-baba." 412 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:06,621 - It's "da-zalway-da-da-zee-za." - Oh, oh, okay. 413 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,998 And then is it, uh, something about Nash Bridges? 414 00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:12,502 No, it's "all the little bit of dridges." 415 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,504 Ah, "little bit of dridges," of course. 416 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,756 Now you got it! 417 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,841 Come on! 418 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,762 ? June is bustin' out all over ? 419 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,182 ? All over the meadow and the hill ? 420 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,809 ? And da-zalway-da-da-zee-za ? 421 00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,686 ? All the little bit of dridges ? 422 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:33,273 ? And the morning glories and the fez ? 423 00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,400 ? Because it's June ? 424 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,193 ? June, June, June ? 425 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:40,780 ? Bustin' out, it's June, June ? 426 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:43,199 ? June! ? 427 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,702 Bravo! 428 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:48,580 That's from the 1945 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical 429 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,082 Carousel, about carousel barker Billy Bigelow, 430 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,460 whose romance with mill worker Julie Jordan 431 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,628 comes at the price of both their jobs. 432 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:58,298 If you want to know more about it, ask your grandfather, 433 00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,883 who was dragged to see it on a date 434 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,969 and then had to get married to touch boob.